Knowing the difference between empathizing and sympathizing can be critical when relating to others, especially in emotional situations. By understanding the definitions of these two words, and being aware of how to apply them in everyday life, you can learn how to respond more appropriately in a difficult situation.
Definition of Empathizing:
Empathizing is the act of placing oneself in someone else’s situation and trying to understand what that person is going through by imagining it from their perspective. It requires an effort on the part of the empathizer to try and put themselves in another’s shoes and comprehend the emotions, thoughts, and feelings from a unique point of view. Empathizing does not necessarily mean agreeing or condoning what has taken place, but rather attempting to gain insight into the feelings and opinions of someone else.
Sympathizing differs from empathizing because it’s an act of sharing in another’s sorrow or grief. It does not necessarily require envisioning what the other person is experiencing and instead expressing support by simply understanding their emotions, even if you have never felt that way yourself. Differentiating between empathizing and sympathizing come down to the degree of effort one makes to place themselves in someone else’s situation. Whereas with sympathy, minimal effort is involved.
Definition of Sympathizing:
Sympathizing is the act of expressing feelings of sorrow or compassion towards someone else’s hardship or suffering. It requires an effort to acknowledge and share a person’s distress without necessarily portraying understanding of the details. The sympathizer might comfort and console with statements such as “I am so sorry for what you are going through” or “I know how this must be difficult for you". Nonetheless, it does not require them to try and enter the person's experience from their own point of view.
In contrast, empathizing requires a person to step into the shoes of another person, feeling the same emotion as them and understanding the proposed situation better. Empathy requires listening with openness and understanding how it feels to be in the other person’s position. Somethings a good empathizer is capable of saying are “I understand that this must feel awful” or “I am here if you want to talk or anything else”. The desire to connect deeper beyond surface sympathy helps one form deeper relationships by fostering empathy across distinct experiences
How to Use Empathizing and Sympathizing in Daily Life:
For example, when someone close to you is diagnosed with cancer, sending them flowers and a card expressing your sympathies may be a more suitable expression of care than trying to enter their experience. In contrast, empathizing involves understanding and sharing the feelings of another person as if you were experiencing it yourself. To use empathy correctly, one must place themselves in the situation of the other individual and attempt to understand from that perspective—putting aside any judgements or solution-focused thinking.
Whereas sympathy defines a supportive, distant feeling of care and concern for another individual, empathy involves walking in the shoes of another person. Dr. Karyn Hall, Director of Emotionally Focused Therapy from Houston Methodist explains further: "Expressing empathy means that we are willing to step into the experience of another person and bear witness to their emotions with kindness and respect." This distinct difference allows us to support those closest to us by recognizing their feelings and picking them up when they’re down, but not overpowering or intruding on their process.
Examples of Empathizing and Sympathizing:
Here are some examples of empathizing vs sympathizing. When a friend is worried about an upcoming interview, you could sympathetically express your support and encouragement to them, or you could empathize by saying something like “I know exactly how you feel—I was just as nervous for my last job interview.” Another example might be when someone is unhappy about missing out on a promotion. Instead of simply expressing sympathetic words like “I’m so sorry that happened to you,” you can use empathy to really understand their feelings by saying something like “I would be devastated if I didn’t get the promotion either. What do you need from me right now?”
Being able to empathize and sympathize allows us to be sensitive to other people’s feelings and build better relationships with those around us. We can use sympathy to be a sounding board for others, offering compassionate words or actions of support when someone needs it. Empathy, on the other hand, allows us to go beyond simply expressing understanding of a person’s situation or emotions—we are able to stand in their shoes and understand what they are going through from their perspective.
Pros and Cons of Each Approach:
While empathy and sympathy can both be positive communication tools, there are benefits and drawbacks to each approach. Sympathy is often easier and faster to express, as you need not try to understand the other person’s situation in order to show your support. On the other hand, empathizing requires a more in-depth understanding of the individual’s feelings, which can take more time and effort but can have a greater impact on the other person’s emotional well-being.
Empathy helps build trust and connection between people, as it demonstrates that we care enough to really try to understand what they’re going through. It requires listening actively and validating the other person’s experience by reflecting back what they have shared. Sympathy can be beneficial in giving the individual a sense of being understood; however, if taken too far it can create feelings of pity or dependence in the person receiving sympathy. Ultimately, understanding the distinction between empathizing and sympathizing can help us to create more meaningful interpersonal relationships.
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